Faith
by magicmumu
Summary: Fic that is set to the song Stan by Eminem. I don't know him or own the song. Faith's letters to Buffy while in jail. Femslash, dark theme, harsh language, character death. FaithBuffy mention


Faith

by Erin Griffin

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Rating: Strong R for language, violence

Summary: Eminem's 'Stan' set in the Buffy-verse, or at least my version of the Buffy-verse

Pairing: Mentions Buffy/Faith

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's Note: I don't know what all happened in the drama of Faith in Buffy, or even in what order, I know she went crazy, tried to kill angel, turned herself in, but I don't know much of the inbetween or after. If I get some facts wrong, I'm sorry.

WARNING: There is character death, heavy angst, violence, langauge and Dawn... Oh the horrors of Fanfic.

I put the actual lyrics (used without permission) at the bottom of this page. For those who don't know the song, it too has violence in it, but you are spared from any Dawn references, and for that Eminem is nicer than me, lol. Kidding, I don't dislike Dawn.

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

Dear B- I wrote to you but you still ain't callin'  
I'm in this cell alone  
I sometimes feel like ballin'  
I sent two letters back in Autumn  
You must not have got 'em

It was probably a problem at the post office or somethin'  
Sometimes my handwriting is sloppy when I write 'em Anyway, fuck it man how's your sister?  
I remember little Dawnie too, you know I miss her I think Dawn is a great name for a daughter

I heard about your mom, too, I'm sorry  
Makes me think of my mother's suicide when some asshole didn't want her.  
I know you don't want to hear this, but I really miss being Chosen with you It was really fun being half of the Slayers Two I know I really fucked things up, but I'll go straight Sooner or later you'll still think I'm great Please write back, with lots of love, Faith

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

Dear B- you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you get the chance I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up that you'd ignore me like that If you don't want to ever visit me you don't have to but you could have at least sent a short 'screw you'  
In a post card in purple crayon, at least I'd know, man I wish night and day I'd hear from you but never do.  
That's pretty shitty man, you were my fuckin' idol I wanted to be just like you man, no one likes you more than I do.

I ain't that mad, I just don't like being lied to.  
Remember when you told me we would always have eachother's back See we have so much in common, I never knew my father neither And other men would just use my mother, cheat on her and beat her.  
I can relate to the things you're going through, B Knowing that you're special too helps me think a little more clearly 'Cause I don't really got much else I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest.

I've cut myself a few times to watch me bleed The scars that still remain are quite the sight to see See, the life you've lead is real and I admire your streghth to live it My ex-roomie was angry, 'cause I talked about you 24/7 But she don't know you like I know you, B, no one does She don't what it was like for people like us growing up You've got to write me back, B. I'm the biggest person you'll ever throw away Pease out, this is Faith P.S. We should get back together someday.

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

Dear Misses 'I am so much holier than thou'  
This will be the last letter I EVER write your ass It's been over a year and no word. I don't deserve it?  
I've been a fucking saint in this prison, my behavior has been perfect!  
So this is my note written in blood. I hope you see it.  
All you ever saw in me was a child and a misfit.  
You know that song by Phil Collins from "The Air In The Night"?  
About that guy who could have saved that other guy from drowning?  
But didn't? Then Phil saw it all then at his show he found him?  
That's kinda how this is. You could have rescued me from drowning.  
Now it's too late. I can't stand the thought of you thinking of me and frowning

And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call.  
I hope you know someday you're also gonna fall!  
I loved you B, we could have been great together We would have been the greatest slayers and be known forever That is gone now and its all your fault You had to go and be the almighty responsible adult You see B- Maybe I'm just the Psycho Slayer after all I just took my dinner fork and threw a gaurd against the wall But I didn't slit her throat, I saved that for the girl who called me a freak You should have heard her, not so tough now, bitch, you're so weak Well gotta go, I'm near the highway and losing blood fast See you in Hell, B; It sure has been a blast.  
Faith

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

Dear Faith- I meant to write sooner but I've just been busy Heard through the grapevide cordy's been visiting, how is she?  
Look, I'm glad you like Dawnies name, and I'll tell her that Maybe she'll finally see that her birth name's is not so bad I want you to know that really I do miss you Don't think I was ignoring you or trying to diss you.  
I liked when we used to go to the bronze for a night of dancing And then we'd go to your place for some after slaying action

And what was that about getting back together?  
Didn't you know I've wanted that since, like, forever?  
I am just waiting for things to getter better, And I'll start by getting you this letter.  
I just hope it reaches you in time  
before you hurt yourself, I think you'll be just fine I'm glad that you think about me, but Faith, why are you so mad I hope you understand that I do want to be Slayer Sisters again I guess I'm still scared you'll do some crazy shit I saw this one thing in the news that totally made me sick.(Maybe you were there) This one girl in your prison was found dead on the side of the road She first went on a rampage or something and she slit some peoples'  
throats  
On her arms she cut some words  
'Should have been there to guide me through'  
Come to think about it  
It was-  
It was you

Shit.

Eminem  
Stan

CHORUS:  
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

My tea's gone cold,I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

VERSE 1:

Dear Slim, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'  
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom I sent two letters back in autumn You must not have got 'em It probably was a problem at the post office or somethin'

Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em But anyways, fuck it, what's been up man, how's your daughter?  
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm out to be a father If I have a daughter, guess what I'm-a call her? I'm-a name her Bonnie.

I read about your uncle Ronnie too, I'm sorry I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him.  
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan.  
I even got the underground shit that you did with Scam.

I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man.  
I like the shit you did with Ruckus too, that shit was fat.  
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back, just to chat Truly yours, your biggest fan, this is Stan.

CHORUS:

My tea's gone cold,I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

VERSE 2:

Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have the chance.  
I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans.  
If you didn't want to talk to me outside your concert You didn't have to but you could have signed an autograph for Matthew.  
That's my little brother, man. He's only 6 years old.  
We waited in the blistering cold for you for 4 hours and ya just said no.  
That's pretty shitty man, you're like his fuckin' idol He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do.

I ain't that mad, but I just don't like bein' lied to.  
Remember when we met in Denver, you said if I write you You would write back. See, I'm just like you in a way.  
I never knew my father neither.  
He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her.

I can relate to what you're sayin' in your songs.  
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on.  
Cause I don't really got shit else, so that shit helps when I'm depressed.  
I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest.

Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds.  
It's like adrenaline. The Pain is such a sudden rush for me.  
See, everything you say is real, and I respect you 'cause you tell it.  
My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7.  
But she don't know you like I know you, Slim, no one does.  
She don't know what it was like for people like us growing up.  
You've gotta call me man. I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose.  
Sincerely yours, Stan. PS: We should be together too.

CHORUS:

My tea's gone cold,I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

VERSE 3:

Dear Mr. "I'm too good to call or write my fans"  
This'll be the last package I ever send your ass.  
It's been six months and still no word. I don't deserve it?  
I know you got my last two letters, I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect.

So this is my cassette I'm sending you. I hope you hear it.  
I'm in the car right now. I'm doing 90 on the freeway.  
Hey Slim, "I drank a fifth of vodka, ya dare me to drive?"  
You know that song by Phil Collins from "The Air In The Night"?  
About that guy who could have saved that other guy from drowning?  
But didn't? Then Phil saw it all then at his show he found him?  
That's kinda how this is. You could have rescued me from drowning.  
Now it's too late. I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy.

And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call.  
I hope you know I ripped all o' your pictures off the wall.  
I love you Slim, we could have been together. Think about it.  
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it.  
And when you dream, I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it.  
I hope your conscious eats at you and you can't breathe without me.  
See Slim, screaming shut up bitch, I'm trying to talk Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screaming in the trunk.  
But I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you.  
'Cause if she suffocates, she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too.  
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now.  
Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?

screeching tires, crashing sounds, car splashes into the water

CHORUS:

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

VERSE 4:

Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner, but I've just been busy.  
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?  
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that.  
And here's an autograph for your brother: I wrote it on your Starter cap.

I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I must have missed you.  
Don't think I did that shit intentionally, just to diss you.  
And what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too?  
I say that shit just clownin' dawg, c'mon, how fucked up is you?  
You got some issues, Stan, I think you need some counselin'  
To help your ass from bouncin' off the walls when you get down some.

And what's this shit about us meant to be together?  
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other.  
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other.  
Or maybe you just need to treat her better.  
I hope you get to read this letter.  
I just hope it reaches you in time.  
Before you hurt yourself, I think that you'd be doin'  
just fine  
If you'd relax a little. I'm glad that I inspire you, but Stan Why are you so mad? Try to understand that I do want you as a fan.  
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit.  
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick.  
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge And had his girlfriend in the trunk and she was pregnant with his kid And in the car they found a tape but it didn't say who it was to Come to think about it...his name was...it was you.

DAMN!


End file.
